There is a phase in my musical life that I have repeatedly been bouncing back and forth in for too long. I just keep going to and fro when it comes to wanting to play. I just cannot keep the inspiration any more. It is almost as though I have lost it all entirely. Sometimes I just have to tell myself to have the discipline to get behind some drum or another and play the thing. But I have to always have reason to. Time has changed me too much. In my teens I was a genius musicly
I loved to play alone, with others even without a drum parts ran in my head all the time. Now unless I have obligation I don't do anything. I know it is a part of me still. I know this because I have fun when I commit to playing and play with others. But to get off my ass at home and rehearse or just jam alone feels like work. I also feel myself sucking incredibly comparatively to what I once could do. I cycle back and forth, playing for a while and not.
The job is a problem it is very physically and mentally demanding. I took a position were I am for the purpose of having week ends available for performing and I don't. The position simply leaves me too exhausted. The home life is hard too. The children are at an age where they require lots of time.
It is hard when the thing I love to do most becomes something I don't wish to do despite my love for it. I thought going to the Rush concert would provide some inspiration but it did not. It was a great show but it did not provide the cure all pill I hoped it would.
Am I to follow the lazy sentiment of the day that consumes me, or do I push myself to drum without a band, show or small party obligation to motivate me? Which is truly following my heart? I want to be lazy it makes me happy but I don't want to give up it makes me sad. I know thats weird.
Any way Garison Out.
I loved to play alone, with others even without a drum parts ran in my head all the time. Now unless I have obligation I don't do anything. I know it is a part of me still. I know this because I have fun when I commit to playing and play with others. But to get off my ass at home and rehearse or just jam alone feels like work. I also feel myself sucking incredibly comparatively to what I once could do. I cycle back and forth, playing for a while and not.
The job is a problem it is very physically and mentally demanding. I took a position were I am for the purpose of having week ends available for performing and I don't. The position simply leaves me too exhausted. The home life is hard too. The children are at an age where they require lots of time.
It is hard when the thing I love to do most becomes something I don't wish to do despite my love for it. I thought going to the Rush concert would provide some inspiration but it did not. It was a great show but it did not provide the cure all pill I hoped it would.
Am I to follow the lazy sentiment of the day that consumes me, or do I push myself to drum without a band, show or small party obligation to motivate me? Which is truly following my heart? I want to be lazy it makes me happy but I don't want to give up it makes me sad. I know thats weird.
Any way Garison Out.
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Phoenix
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Re: To Drum or Not to Drum? That is the question.
Wed, August 8, 2007 - 2:49 PMI think everyone goes deals with this.. You have to get rid of expectation. Do what you can when you can. Make sure itś enjoyable. Your feeling down because your living up to some preconceived expectation that you created at some other time.. Your different now, everything is. Change is always a constant. I personally set one goal at a time for myself. I do it then say ok next one.. -
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Re: To Drum or Not to Drum? That is the question.
Thu, August 9, 2007 - 6:17 AMWell said. -
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Re: To Drum or Not to Drum? That is the question.
Thu, August 9, 2007 - 2:29 PMIn Accupuncture, the Chinese say "The only Dis-ease, is the congestion of Chi"
Essentially, this means that the double bind that you are in now in your mental and emotional dilemma about drumming
is a kind of mental 'dis-ease'
Consequently, I'd like to give you some unusal advice from someone who lives to drum:
I think it is really important for you to consider NOT playing anymore as one possibility in your scenario
and let yourself really consider that possiblity without hammering yourself about it's possibility.
We live in a culture that has strong early roots in Calvinism and Puritanism. For better or worse, we
contend with a lot of 'shoulds' in our lives.
I think if you freely consider whether you would be happy not playing drums any more, then you will be able
to either
1) choose drumming in a healthy way or
2) stop drumming and start doing something new in your life that will at to your serenity as a human being.
I , frequently, have long talks with students of mine who are struggling with this very dilemma.
I always tell them, "I have grown to love you for who you are, not for the fact that you are a drummer"
I'll continue loving you if you decide this isn't the thing for you.
Wonderfully, most people in this situation actually do choose drumming, but either way their dissonance ceases
and their 'dis-ease' goes away.
I'd like to say that we, on this forum, support you to drum or not drum and that you have our full support and respect
for whatever decision you make.
yours, Rick -
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Re: To Drum or Not to Drum? That is the question.
Sat, August 11, 2007 - 9:21 AMThanks Rick.
This is for me not a question of decision. I love to play. Since my toddler days of pots and pans to my progressive metal years of my teens and twenties to my middle eastern days of my late twenties and early thirties to finally the rebirth of my kit days again as of late, I love drums. I think what is going on with me in theory was best surmised by a friend who replied to this post in a private message. I cannot publicly disclose my career in public forum. But I can tell you that my friend knows and empathizes with my professional life. This friend sent me a report on the effects of this career type on people and I fit the profile like a reflection in a mirror. I now realize that the key for me to find the motivation now lies in finding techniques to divide work and home. Believe me it is not easy at all. I hope to change some of my post work rituals to create a new mind set for returning to the home life that gave the setting for me to play for fun.
You are right though. My mind has become diseased from the work enviorment. My Chi has transformed into some type of bad energy. Knowing the source now will be a big help.
Garison.
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